Its a whole new world...

Ok so this post will most likely be premature. But I felt the need to say a few things about the fact that in just a few short hours my husband will no longer be active duty in the Navy and I will no longer be a submariner's wife. This change, as with all changes, will come at a cost. There have been many many many times over the past 10+ years that I have wished that we never had to have anything to do with the Navy again. A fact that ALL of my military wife friends can agree with. Being a military wife is HARD to say the least. We are the moms, the dads, the taxis, the bookkeepers, the maids, the chefs and the cheerleaders for our husbands. Some days it just comes naturally and when someone says " I just dont know how you do it." You smile and say " You just do." Luckily for those people that is usually a good day. Most of the world doesnt see the bad days. The days that you spend most of the day crying and telling your kids you just dont feel like coloring today. The days that you serve cereal for dinner because you just cant bring yourself to make a full dinner when the only other person that would eat it is gone. Those are the bad days, the days we as military wives try our best to hide and only share with each other.

But each other is what we have. I cant say there has ever been a time in our military life that I havent had a shoulder to cry on. The submarine force has always been like a family for me. Theres the family members that you love and feel like you were truly related to and then the family members that you "avoid" at the family reunions. Ha ha ha Theres the family members that take charge and make sure everyone is doing okay while the guys are gone and then ones that need that extra bit of help getting thru it all. But in the end the only word that comes to mind about my fellow submarine wives is... family. A family I now feel like I am losing. I have so much respect for all the wives of the guys that are "career" guys. They will do 20 years doing things everyday that women in the outside world would never understand. I'm proud to say that I was part of that. That I was strong enough... To all of my friends out there that are still doing the Navy thing, I love you, I'll miss you and just always remember.... YOUR DOING A GREAT JOB!

A Texas pumpkin patch

So every year we take the kids to a pumpkin patch. There has never been a year that we missed and even though Ben isnt here with us, I decided to hitch up my big girl panties and take the kids myself. Wow... I so should have rethought this idea. Not that we didnt have a good time. We had a great time! Despite the fact that there was NO pumpkin patch! Thats right there was only a big barn with a bunch of pumpkin sitting in rows. But thats not even the worst of it. After driving for about 45 minutes we were greeted at the gate by a nice lady (with a cash register) informing me that it would be $9.00 for me and $8.00 for each of the kids to get into the "pumpkin patch". Well we were there and its not like I could have looked at the kids and said something along the lines of "Sorry y'all, but mom isnt paying this outrageous fee just so y'all can roll around in some hay." Nope I gave the girl the money (after asking if they had a military discount, which they didnt. But the nice lady did say "But we sure do appreciate y'all" to make her me feel better) We went in and I paid yet another 18.00 for pumpkins for the kids to paint and 10.00 for a pumpkin to carve. So all in all it was a very expensive day...

That being said it also ended up being a great day for pictures. I got some really beautiful shots of the kids that day.

A castle of cardboard...

So we have been living in a much smaller house then we were in before. Which has meant that we have had to leave a lot of our stuff in boxes, Lots of boxes. We currently have one whole bedroom, the office and a storage unit filled to the brim with said boxes. At first I thought it would be no big deal, that in fact it would teach me to live without so much stuff and help us in our attempt to downsize our life. Which is something that we have talked about doing for quite some time now. Dont get me wrong I am still all for downsizing and I still truly believe that we have WAY TO MUCH STUFF. That being said I feel like daily something I need is in one of those boxes. Which I am trying very very hard to not unpack. Some of them just cant be unpacked due to the fact that in our current temp house we have not garage, but some of them we have just decided arent needed right now. But the problem with a box is that although you might not need 95% of whats in there.... that other 5% would really come in handy. So between living without and convincing myself NOT to buy something to replace something I know I already have life has been trying to say the least. I will be happy the day I dont have to see a single cardboard box in my home again. Even more so, I will be extremely happy the day I am no longer in a "temp" house and finally in our home.... So pray for us, keep us in your thoughts or just wish us luck. This to shall pass....

Welcome to Texas Y'all!!!!

Well its final, we are actually living in a house in the little town of Glen Rose, TX. And by we I mean the kids and I, Ben is still living up in WA finishing up his tour in the Navy. We have (officially) 33 days to go until we tell active duty to kiss our good-bye. Ben will continue his military service in the Naval Reserves, which we have heard is quite the cake walk compared to active duty. No more sea tours, no more duty (which we havent done in a while) and no more underways! These are exciting things to even think about... We have found our dream home and cant wait to move into it. Actually we can wait and we will be until December 4th, as this is our closing date. I know what your thinking. Dec 4th!!! But thats so far away... As most of you know we rented out our house in Bremerton. Well it turns out that our renters love our house so much they want to buy it. Thats right, we are currently under contract with them to close on the house on the 15th of October. We are very excited about this and it really feels like a blessing. Then we will be waiting for Ben to leave the Navy on the 30th of October and then start the drive down here. He will be starting his new job on the 9th of November. And since the new job will be giving us such a generous signing bonus we have decided to wait till we get that to use as a down payment on the home we plan to live in for longer then two years our kids will grow up in. Until then we will be living here... 101 Hunter Dr... Our cute little 1300 sq ft home for then next two months. I only mention the size of our "cute" little home because as of friday we will be trying to squeeze 2600 sq ft of stuff into it. Part of me has no idea where we are going to put everything and never wants it to arrive. Then the other part of me just wants to wake up every morning look around and see my stuff again, it feels like its been gone forever. Thankfully Ben will be here to help me out (theres a navy first I'm sure some of my navy wife friends will be jealous of) and we are hoping that everything we dont need will fit into the garage. Its only three bedrooms, so we are trying to introduce the shared room concept to them. I havent decided yet who it will be that shares a room. I tried Carolina and Laney first (sisters sleeping together of course) and that didnt work out well. It actually ended with Carolina crying begging for me to take her out. Soooo then we tried Laney and George and that actually went a bit better. And since somebody will be sharing their room when we more into the new house, now seems like the best time to figure out who the better roommates are. So as of right now we are living with two air mattresses, a futon, a folding card table and $11.80 worth of thrift store household goods. Wish us luck, pray for us and keep us in your thoughts...

I'm about to scream....

Ok heres the deal... I finally got around to editing all my pics and writing my blog and getting ready to post it. Anddddddd then my stupid computer or stupid blogger decided that it wasnt going to upload them. So I have been sitting here for the last 30 minutes trying to get anything... anything to upload to my blog and nothing has worked. So I am going to take little break and come back to it... Maybe I can fix it later. So I just wanted y'all to know that there are pics on the way, today. Just not right now....

Dang it!!!!!!

Award winning stuff here!!!

Okay so I just got my first award! I'm so excited. I love this whole blogging world. I ramble on about stuff that bugs me and I get an award for it! How cool is that??? I'm actually quite the lazy blogger. Most of my blogging friends have something new posted everyday. I on the other hand only get something new up every few days. So to get an award even thought I'm not constantly on my blog (thanks for the heads up Tiffany, I swear I was heading over to your blog tonight to read up) is saying a lot. Tiffany is one of my two regular commenter's on my blog and I love seeing something new from her in my email every time she does. Y'all should really check out her blog at Paging Doctor Mommy. She is one that gets something new up all the time and I love reading all about Reagan, shes adorable!!!!! Thanks again Tiffany for the great award! Also check out these other blogs that got awards from Tiffany!

Disturbing

So most of you know about my son Trevor. But for those of you who dont here is the back story. When I was 16 years old I hit a bit of a, well lets call it a rebellious period. I started dating much older guys and well to be blunt partying all the time. I thought at the time I was so grown up and was as they say 10 foot tall and bullet proof. I met this guy that I thought was so cool. He was 21 and he really liked me. It took us all of 2 months to get pregnant the first time. He convinced me that because he was Catholic it was a sin to use protection... haha So getting pregnant didnt take long. But once I got pregnant everything changed. Anthony and I started arguing all the time and I moved in with a friend. With in about two week so finding out I was pregnant I had a miscarriage and was devastated. I blamed Anthony, but didnt break up with him. Instead I started acting out even more. I moved back in with my Mom, but she had little to no control over me. And to be honest I think she felt so bad for me that she just didnt know what to do. Anthony and I continued to date even though by this time I really couldnt stand him. My mom has said many times that she thought I was just trying to get pregnant again. I've never really agreed with this, but looking back now I cant recall anything that was going thru my head at the time except grief. Even at 16 losing a child really did effect me greatly. I lost the first baby on Dec 12th of 1995 and found out I was pregnant again in Feb of 1996. The doctor said that I got pregnant the first week in Jan. I decided the day I found out I was pregnant again to break up with Anthony. I told him he had to move out and he told me he was going home to Minnesota. He packed up his car and left and I resolved to only talk to him when I had to about the baby. About 30 minutes later is when we heard the sirens going off. I made an off the cuff remark about it being Anthony.... and it was. He had run his car into a tree down the street from my house and my whole life changed. 

Anthony didnt die that day. Actually he wasnt even hurt, but it was enough to make me take him back. He left two days later and I ended up following him up there...

I was a lucky one. I could tell you all the crazy things that happened over the next two years. But its a long crazy story. I'll just say that I couldnt have made it through with out my wonderful mom and sister. Fast forward and Trevor is going to be 13 years old this year. He has spent 90% of his life living with my mom. Which over the years has left us answering lots of questions from nosy strangers. For some reason when you have a different situation in life people assume that they can ask you anything and they do. Everything from "Will he ever come live with you again?" to the much more invasive "Dont you miss him?". Its always amazed both me and my mom what people thought it was okay to say to us. I will sum it up quickly by saying this. At 17 I had no health insurance and little money. Then 4 years later when I did I felt like he was where he was happy and belonged... with my mom. The two of them have always shared a special bond. 

So now to why I am writing this post. The other day I was folding laundry and looking for something to watch on tv. I came across this show on MTV called Sixteen and Pregnant. Watching it I see so many of the same things I went through, but that part of what worries me. I was really blessed with  wonderful family that supported me so much. Most girls dont have that and will a show like this make having a baby in high school seem like fun... like a good idea. Will it make them think it makes you look more grown up? I mean I guess it does make you look more grown up, since you look tired all the time, your constantly working and you cant go anywhere with out finding a sitter, oh and dont forget you never have any money. Why cant we have a show about teens that are saving themselves for marriage? Why are there no shows about the kids that are working hard to go to college or make something of themselves? Am I just getting old? Are there really that many more girls out there getting pregnant these days or is TV just getting more and more disturbing? I know that stuff happens when your young, I know that girls still get themselves into the same situation that I did, but do we really have to have a show about it. Should we really be making these girls feel like their pregnancies are going to make them famous? Dont be ashamed girls, thats so not what I'm saying. I have never been ashamed of Trevor and I love him more then anything. But I do know that if MTV had showed up at my school and said they wanted to put me on TV it would have put the wrong idea into other girls heads. Suddenly getting pregnant would have been so cool and not something that was going to make life so much harder. Because no matter how much I love Trevor, having him did make life harder. My life is still harder to this day simply because I am constantly wondering if I am doing right by him or if by not living with us I am hurting him. I will always worry that I didnt make the right decision... I know that I will be there for my kids if anything like this should happen to them just as much as my mom and sister were there for me, but at least I know that I will never let MTV or any other channel show my kids this glamorized version of teen pregnancy...